"Caregiver" is the word used to describe family and friends who help take care of your needs.

It can be difficult to ask for help - but do it anyhow.

• Some people even get angry at needing help. If you get angry at needing help, get over it. It's not much different than getting angry that the sun sets each day. Accept what is.
• If you feel the least bit reluctant to ask for help, think about your own reaction when someone you care about has a health situation. Wouldn't you like to do something that helps offset the feeling of helplessness? Caregiving is also one way people can show they care. 

It is your choice who you want to be your caregiver(s). 

• You do not have to let a person be a caregiver just because he or she shows up.
•  While caregiving helps the caregiver, your needs are paramount.

If you have more than one caregiver, consider appointing one person as the main caregiver or point person.

• He or she can help divide up filling your needs with your various caregivers. 
• It is easier emotionally for a person to say "no" when necessary to a caregiver than it is to say "no" to a patient. 
• Free online tools are available to help coordinate care schedules. For example, see the following:
  • www.cozi.com
  • www.Google.com/calendar
  • www.LotsAHelpingHands.com

Help caregivers get the information they need.

• Caregivers seldom have access to doctors and other health care providers. If a caregiver doesn't go with you to doctors' appointments, consider letting the caregiver listen to recordings of the meetings or looking at your notes.
• If a caregiver does research, particularly on the internet, be sure he or she is aware that the journals and internet are filled with worst case scenarios. Educate him or her about how to do research correctly and how to separate sites with valuable, unbiased information from those which aren't of top quality. For a reminder about how to do medical research, including on the internet, see the document in To Learn More. Please also remember to take any new information to your doctor for his or her assessment before accepting it as fact.

When dealing with caregivers, keep in mind:

• That the person is doing his or her best. That's all we can ask of people.
• That there is an emotional strain on caregivers (as well as yourself) both from caring for you and taking care of their own needs.
• That one person cannot generally do everything. More than one caregiver may be needed.
• That the situation is challenging for a caregiver as well as yourself. In some ways, it may even be more challenging emotionally.
• If emotions get out of hand, professional help is available.

Offer a caregiver some helpful suggestions. For instance:

• Remind caregivers that they have to take care of themselves. A caregiver who is physically and emotionally run down is no good to you. As flight attendants generally say: "Put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others." Many a caregiver forgets to take care of him or herself, or feels selfish in doing so.
• Suggest that a caregiver speak with other caregivers. These conversations are a good way to share tipe. They also provide a good outlet for complaining about you, or to vent about the pressure he or she is under.
• For additional tips for caregivers, see 
  • Guidelines To Help Keep Caregivers From Burning Out in "To Learn More."
  • National Family Caregivers Association provides education and support for caregivers. See: www.nfcacares.org or call 800.896.3650
  • The Well Spouse Foundation provides support to wives, husbands and partners of people with a serious health condition.See www.wellspouse.org or call 800.838.0879

If a caregiver will drive your car, or drive his or her car for you, be sure that your Automobile insurance policy covers. Likewise, if you pay the caregiver, be sure that your Homeowners policy covers. You may also need Workers Compensation insurance if the person acts as an employee.

If you have young children, be sure that all caregivers who come into contact with your children know what you have told them about your health condition and treatment. It is not advisable for a child to get conflicting information. It will also prevent an adult telling a child something you don't want told.

If a caregiver needs to take time off work to take care of you, the caregiver may be entitled to time off under an employer's benefits, and/or thanks to the federal federal Family Medical Leave Act. (See the document in "To Learn More"). In some states, such as California, the caregiver may even be entitled to get paid during the time off. (For more information about the California law, see: www.PaidFamilyLeave.org

Holidays are stressful for everyone. They are even more stressful than normal for caregivers who are taking care of your needs in addition to their own, while at the same time trying to keep up with holiday traditions. For tips about dealing with holiday stress and depression, click here.

Acknowledge a caregiver's efforts.  When a caregiver does something helpful, let the person know how helpful and that you appreciate him or her. You may even add that you understand that the situation is difficult for the caregiver as well.

NOTE: If you want to qualify for Medicaid and have too many assets, one way to legally decrease the amount of your assets is to enter into a caregivers agreement. For more informaition, see the document in "to learn more".

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