Keeping your children's trust is very important at this time. Children can sense when things are wrong. So it is best to be as open as you can about your cancer. 

Children may worry that they did something to cause the cancer. They may be afraid that no one will take care of them. They may also feel that you are not spending as much time with them as you used to. Although you can't protect them from what they might feel, you can prepare them for these feelings. 

The document in "To Learn More" provides general guidelines for telling underage children and tips for different age groups. 

Adult Children 

Your relationship with your adult children may change now that you have cancer again. You may have to rely on them more. And it may be hard for you to ask for support. After all, you may be used to giving support rather than getting it. 

Adult children have their concerns, too. They may start to think about their own mortality. They may feel guilt, because of the many demands on them as parents, children, and employees. Some may live far away or have other duties. They may feel bad that they can't spend as much time with you as they would like. Often it helps to: 

• Share decision-making with your children. 
• Involve them in issues that are important to you. These may include treatment choices, plans for the future, or activities that you want to continue. 
• If they are not able to be there with you, keep them updated on your progress. 
• Make the most of the time you have. Share your feelings with them. 
• Try to reach out to your adult children. Openly sharing your feelings, goals, and wishes will help them adjust. It will also help prevent problems in the future. 

Remember, just as parents want the best for their children, children want the best for their parents. They want to see your needs met effectively and with compassion. Your children don't want to see you suffer. 

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