Nearing End Of Life From Breast Cancer

It is very common for patients and their partners to feel more stress than usual as a couple. There is often stress about:

• The fear of losing your partner.
• The fear of losing the children's mother. How will the family survive?
• Knowing how to give and get support.
• Coping with new feelings that have come up.
• Figuring out how to communicate.
• The fear of losing a breadwinner or having extra expense to take care of the children.
• Making decisions.
• Changing roles.
• Having changes in social life.
• Coping with changes in daily routines.

Some people feel more comfortable talking about serious issues than others. Communication styles differ. The key is to communicate.

Following are some tips that may help:

• If it is hard for you or your spouse/partner to talk things over, ask a counselor or social worker to talk with both of you together.
• Be realistic about your demands on your spouse/partner.
• Keep in mind that the other person may feel guilty about your illness even though guilt in this situation is misplaced.
• There may be stress due to changing family roles.
• Consider taking a brief vacation from each other.
  • Your partner likely needs some time to address his or her own needs. If these needs are neglected, your loved one may have less energy and support to give.
  • Remember, you didn't spend 24 hours a day together before you got sick.
• Don't be surprised at changes in your relationship (including your sex life) as bodily changes occur in reaction to disease and/or treatment. 
• When thinking about sex, keep in mind that there are many ways to achieve intimacy without physical sex. 

NOTE: It is particularly important to discuss with your spouse or partner:

• What you want to happen with your physical and/or mental medical care if something happens and you become unable to communicate. You can keep control of the physical situation by signing documents known as Advance Health Care Directives and the mental situation by signing an Advance Directive For Mental Health. If your spouse or partner is not named as the person who will make decisions for you in line with your wishes, at least let your spouse/partner know your wishes so he or she does not fight enforcement of your wishes.  See: How To Talk With Family About Your Wishes If You Become Incapacitated And Can't Speak For Yourself
• Your estate plans. Talking helps keep things smooth. 

For more information, see:

• Couples
• Advance Health Care Directives 101
• Communicating Your Desires And Your Estate Plans
• Estate Planning

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