You are here: Home Survivorship Guide For Ellen
Information For Living With: Choose condition »
Information about all aspects of finances affected by a serious health condition. Includes income sources such as work, investments, and private and government disability programs, and expenses such as medical bills, and how to deal with financial problems.
Information about all aspects of health care from choosing a doctor and treatment, staying safe in a hospital, to end of life care. Includes how to obtain, choose and maximize health insurance policies.
Answers to your practical questions such as how to travel safely despite your health condition, how to avoid getting infected by a pet, and what to say or not say to an insurance company.

My Survivorship A to Z Guide

Day to Day Living Essential

Next » « Previous

1/3

Note: This is a sample Survivorship A to Z Guide for a fictitious person we call Ellen. She is just diagnosed with Breast Cancer. To view a summary of her answers which led to this Guide, click here.

To get your own free, computer-generated A to Z Guide, click here.

Think of your doctor(s), other health care providers, family, friends and other helpers as a team, army or coalition. You're the leader or chief. Assign roles and tasks.

A diagnosis can make a person feel very alone -- no matter how recently or long ago the diagnosis. It's true that nobody can walk in your shoes. However, the odds are you are not alone.

Consider the people in your medical, professional and personal life as part of a group who are there to help in your battle. Think of the group in whatever terms work best for you. Perhaps it's:

  • A team over which you are the captain.
  • An army over which you are the Commander-in-Chief.
  • Your very own support group and you're the leader.
  • A partnership in which you are the leader.

Whatever you call the group, it's your job to coordinate the team to meet your needs. If you are not up to the job, ask a close family member or friend to help. Or take charge of a part of it, and ask for help with the other parts.

Take the time to think through your needs and decide who can help fill them. It may be easier if you put the list in writing. For example:

  • Medical
    • General: primary care doctor
    • Breast Cancer: specialist
    • Patient navigator
    • A patient dvocate to go with me to important doctor appointments
    • Help getting to the doctor or treatment
    • Help filling prescriptions
  • Financial
    • Investment advisor
    • Accountant
    • Financial planner
  • Legal
    • Attorney to help with (or at least confirm) my will or trust, powers of attorney and advance healthcare directives
    • Tax attorney
    • Real estate attorney
  • Emotional support
    • Day-to-day support (including one-on-one support and support or self help groups)
    • Professional help coping
  • Practical
    • Local transportation
    • Help cleaning and/or maintaining the house
    • Grocery shopping
    • Meal preparation
    • Child care
    • Pet care

Make it the best team you can. As you choose your team, keep in mind that members don't have to be local. With telephones, the internet, Skype and overnight services, team members can be anywhere in the country (or even in the world). If "hands on" assistance is required, an expert in another geographic area can advise a local person what to do.

Set goals for each of the different members of your team.

  • Just because a person volunteers to do a particular thing for you doesn't mean you have to agree.
  • Likewise, if a person wants to spend a lot of time with you, it doesn't mean you have to spend more time with him or her than you want.
  • If a person wants to be your caretaker, but you don't want that person in that role, give him or her another job to do.

Create an alert on your calendar to review this list every few weeks in case your needs or team members change. 

Keep in mind that your children are also part of your team.

Let your children know your needs to the extent that they can understand them. For insight into how to speak with your children, see Telling Your Children About Your Diagnosis.

Consider redistributing tasks within your family unit for the time being to take account of your treatment and condition.

  • When you talk about needs and goals:
    • Let each person know the part you expect him or her to play.
    • Let people know what to expect of you.
    • You can set limits with friends and family.
    • Listen to and consider other people's point of view. It will help hone your mutual objectives and provide a realistic understanding of what to expect.
  • Make sure that each person adds to the team goals -- which really means your goals.
  • Coordinate your team members. If questions or situations involve more than one of your team members, set up a means of having them communicate with each other. For example, set up a conference call or ask one of them to do it for you. Most phone services now come with the ability to make free conference calls. There are also internet sites that can help. For instance, CaringBridge.org offsite link, CareCalendar.org offsite link, LotsAHelpingHands.com offsite link, MyLifeline.org offsite link and TakeThemAMeal.com offsite link
  • Work through problems with any team members.
  • Replace team members that don't work out no matter how well meaning they are.

Understand that a diagnosis affects everyone around you, especially your spouse, caregivers and the people close to you. It's your decision whose needs are paramount at any given moment. [Tell me more]

It takes time for everyone to adjust.

  • Adjustment can be difficult. It can take time.
  • Adjustment is ongoing because the situation constantly shifts.

Being open with each other goes a long way to making sure each person's needs are met.

Take time with the people closest to you, particularly your spouse.

  • Talk with each other about the emotions each of you are feeling.
  • Share your fears.
  • Listen.
  • Be honest and open.
  • Work it through.
  • Be loving.

If it helps, overall divorce rates do not increase after a cancer diagnosis.