Colorectal Cancer: Sex, Sexuality and Intimacy

 An ostomy can have a serious effect on a person's feelings about sex and sexuality. There are steps to take to help.

Tips To Help Improve Sexuality 

• Wear clothing that hides the ostomy if you prefer
• If you need help changing your look so the ostomy cannot be seen, speak with a stylist or personal shopper at a department store.
• If you have a poor body image because of your diagnosis, treatment or other issues, take steps to improve your body image and to accept your body as it is. For tips, see: Tips To Help Improve Your Body Image 
• If you are suffering from emotional issues that keep you in the down or depressive part of the emotional roller coaster that generally accompanies a diagnosis and treatment, deal with them in a support group setting, with a colorectal cancer buddy, and/or with a mental health professional.  See the documents in “To Learn More” for more specifics.

 Tips For Having Sex

• Talk with your partner.
  • Educate your partner. The more educated the person is, the more comfortable and relaxed he or she is likely to be. Education should include:
    • What to expect.
    • That sex will not hurt an ostomy.
    • What you are comfortable doing
    • What not to do. 
  • Add humor to the discussion if you can.
  • Find out what he or she is comfortable doing.
• Make sure the appliance fits well. If you would like, tape it down before sexual activity.
• Wear a closed-end pouch, a mini-pouch or a stoma cap during sexual activity.  The pouch should be opaque or enclosed in a pouch cover so the contents cannot be seen.  One of the places you can find informationabout products available, how to locate them and buying tips is the website of the United Ostomy Associations of America, Inc.: www.ostomy.org
• Empty the colostomy and clean it before starting sex.
• If you are worried about:
  • The smell:
    • Suggest that your partner put a little lavender oil or peppermint oil under his or her nose.  Consider putting either of the oils on your neck or other areas that will be close to your partner’s face.
    • Don't try to hide a smell with colognes or perfumes. They can become overwhelming.
  • Gas or watery discharge:
    • Check and empty the pouch just before sex.
    • During the day, avoid food that create gas and/or strong odor such as garlic, onion and broccoli. 
    • Remind both yourself and your partner that gas is natural. It happens even without an ostomy.
  • The bag leaking:
    • If your bag leaks during sexual activity, take your partner and jump into the shower – then start again. Consider having fun  with each other in the shower.
  • Seeing the bag.
    • You do not have to be naked to engage in sexual activity. Ostomies can be hidden from both you and your partner’s view. Consider the following techniques for hiding an ostomy. Some of the techniques can be used by both men and women, some by women.
      • Men and Women
        • Use a cover. You can buy one from an ostomy supply company such as cmostomysupply.com  or you can make your own.
        • Tuck the ostomy into a cummerbund, belt or sash.
        • Wear a T shirt to hide the ostomy.
      • Women:
        • Depending on where the bag or ostomy is, panties can be worn high enough to cover the appliance, keeping it closer to the abdomen or your side so it is hidden.  Or you can wear crotch less panties.
        • Put on something you feel sexy in, such as a sexy slip.
        • Wear a fancy shirt or a cami.
  • Putting too much pressure on the ostomy
    • Choose a position to keep weight off the ostomy. For instance, lay on your back if that protects the ostomy.
    • Consider putting a small pillow over the ostomy site to feel as if it is protected. 

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