Following are tips that have helped other people help their children cope with a serious illness in the family. Tips for specific aged children follow these general tips.

• Keep life at home as normal as possible.
• Let each child know how much you love him or her
• Take time alone with each child. If you can make time each day, so much the better. If you can’t, at least make alone time every few days.
• Don’t hide your emotions. Be sure to show your child your positive, hopeful side. (To learn about staying positive, click here
• Encourage each child to share his or her emotions or concerns - including to you. Remind a child that feeling emotions, often several at the same time, is normal.
• Give the child a task that is age appropriate that can help you so he or she feels involved in your care. Never force a child to do a task or overload a child with to many tasks.  
• Keep your children on a routine.
  •  A routine is important for children, even when other people are caring for them.
  • Let other adults or older children know what the routines are so they can help keep each child on schedule. One way to do this is to write down, for each child:
    
    • Each child's habits and schedule in and out of school, including time for going to bed (and exceptions, if any).
    • Meals and favorite foods
    • Scheduled play dates
    • Sports practices
    • Time outdoors
    • Whatever else makes up the child's life. 
    • How the child is disciplined (and how the child is not disciplined).
• Experience indicates that it is helpful to talk about the importance of working together as a team. Let each child know that he or she is part of your team and that he or she can be a big help to you. Assign tasks appropriate to each child's age.
  • Assigning too many tasks can be overwhelming for the child.  
  • It is better to assign one or a few tasks that are appropriate for the child's development level. In other words, only assign children tasks they are able to do. 
  • You can talk with a child about tasks one-on-one, or at a family meeting.
  • Whenever a child does something for you, be sure to thank them and show your appreciation.
  • Don't force a child to do a task.
• Develop a support network for each of your children.
• See to each child's emotional and physical needs. 
• Encourage each child to interact with children of his or her age.
• Consider assigning a child to a family member or friend to help support the child emotionally and physically. As with adults, the key is to get the child to talk about his or her emotions and reactions to what is going on.
• Continue normal discipline. Children need to know their limits, including during periods of upheaval.
• Watch for over reactions. For instance, if a child becomes unduly fearful if a baby sitter can no longer help.
• Consider asking the child if he or she is actually concerned about you - and the fact that you may not be here.
• Reassure the child about your health and prospects.
• If a child develops problems:
  • See Survivorship Information about common behavioral reactions of children and what to do about them. (See the document in "To Learn More"). 
  • Consider consulting a psychosocial professional if you need help with a child. If necessary, set up meetings between the child and a mental health professional such as a social worker, psychotherapist or psychiatrist.

Children who are in school: Talk with your children's teachers so they can be alert to changes and prepare for any problems.

• Tell them about your diagnosis. 
• Tell them how your diagnosis disrupts family life, and particularly your child's life.
• Tell them what you have told your child about your diagnosis and what could happen to you.
• Ask them to keep an eye on your child and to let you know if they notice any changes.

Young Children

Centering Corporation has a variety of books for children facing loss from the death of a parent. See www.centering.org  or call 866.218.0101 or 402.553.1200

Teenagers

• Give teenagers the space they need. This is especially important if you rely on them more than before to help with family needs.
• Give teenagers time to deal with their feelings, alone or with friends.
• Let your teenager know that he or she should still go to school and take part in sports and other fun activities.

NOTE:

• The national nonprofit group KidsKonnected in Laguna Hills, California offers programs (including summer camps, socials and workshops), books, and information and referrals to support groups for children who have a parent with cancer. See: www.kidskonnected.org or call 800.899.2866
• Children tend to want to know about how special their parents are. Consider writing an Ethical Will.
• Most cancer centers have a library full of books for children that parents can read with them.

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