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Communicating To Your Heirs Your Desires And Your Estate Plans

An Example To Start The Discussion

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Our friend Sally, who had been diagnosed with breast cancer a few months earlier, had a discussion with her family over a Christmas holiday together. Perhaps how she started the discussion will give you an idea for creating your own opening for a conversation with the people closest to you.

On Christmas morning, Sally asked everyone except the young children to set aside time for the group to meet after lunch. When they were all together, she started:

"I've asked everybody to set aside this time because I have something important I want to discuss, and I want to hear what you each have to say as well.

Since my diagnosis, I've been more aware than ever of how fragile life can be. I'm not planning on going anywhere soon, but I have put plans in place just in case.

I've also become aware of how important it is for all of us to have plans. Terry Schiavo, that young woman in Florida that even the Congress made such a big fuss about, brought home to all of us what can happen while we're still alive. The news is filled everyday with people who die unexpectedly. Now I'm not being morbid here, and I pray that nothing untoward happens to any of us -- but I think it's high time we discussed what we each want in case something does happen. Not just me, but each of us.

So I want to talk about what I want -- first if I can't speak for myself, and then if the inevitable happens. Then I want to hear from each of you about what you want on these subjects as well. There's no right or wrong here. It's just important for each of us to know what the rest of us want."

Before the conversation was over, Sally covered all the points in the next section. She asked each family member to do the same. She let everyone know she had completed the formal documentation needed to legally document her wishes. She found out who had and who had not completed documenting their wishes. Being the control freak she is -- Sally then made a note in her calendar for every few weeks to remind the people who didn't put their wishes in writing that this was the best time to do it.

It took a few months, but everyone in the family had advance directives.


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