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Newly Diagnosed With Breast Cancer Stages 3 - 4

The Basics

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Experience has shown that the best way to proceed after a diagnosis is:

  • Take some time to breathe and to let your emotions settle. You received a brutal shock. As a general matter, you do not have to take immediate action so there is no reason to rush into a hasty decision. The calmer you can be when making major decisions, the more likely you will make effective decisions. On the other hand, do not procrastinate. Move forward with deliberate speed.
  • Commit yourself to doing everything you can to control and even beat your disease.
  • Adopt a reasonably optimistic attitude (we call it a "positive attitude"). People do best who expect the best. For instance, think: "I'm going to get the health care I need." A person with a positive attitude understands that when the glass is half full and half empty, it's up to you to try to keep the focus on the half full side. See: A Positive Attitude (And How To Keep It)
    • Do not beat yourself up if you have days when you can't do anything. 
    • If fear threatens to take over, use it as a trigger to take a moment and center yourself to the here and now.
  • Choose your cancer doctor (oncologist) with care. Once you decide which doctor will treat your breast cancer, trust him or her. (If it doesn't work out, you can switch doctors if necessary).
  • Learn how to maximize your limited time with a doctor. Part of this process is learning about breast cancer and the words you are likely to hear.
  • Share your feelings with the people close to you. Consider seeking a breast cancer buddy.
  • Start reaching out for support even if you are used to going it alone. It will make it easier to go through the decision making process and the seemingly endless waiting.
  • Select a person to act as a patient advocate to go with you to doctor appointments, at least until a treatment decision is made. The person can to help ask questions, help remember what the doctor said, and review the meeting with you afterward. Experience indicates that this is particularly important for the initial meeting with the surgical oncologist.(If you don't have a person to act as patient advocate, Professional Advocates are available.)
  • Start thinking about the food you eat, exercise, proper rest and stress reduction as part of your treatment. Such a lifestyle is generally referred to as a "cancer prevention dieet and lifestyle."
  • Break things into doable steps. Then deal with each step one at a time.
  • Do not make any major financial or other decisions you do not have to make right now.

Each of these subjects is discussed in the other sections of this document where you will find more information.

When you have contact with an insurer, employer or government agency:

  • Keep in mind that being courteous and friendly is the best approach. 
  • Always keep in mind you are talking with another human being.
  • Try to be understanding of the person's personal situation. 
  • Only use anger sparingly and consciously.
  • In short hand: Make a friend.
  • Use anger sparingly.
  • For more information, see: Talking With Your Insurance Company (Make A Friend). Also see: How To Make A Friend With The People At Social Security
  • Make notes.
  • Note the day and time and what was said   
  • Keep your notes in the file with whatever subject you are calling abouf.
  • Keep a photocopy of all forms you complete.
  • If you mail anything that seems important:
  • Include a cover letter with a date. 
  • Keep a copy of the document. Attach a copy of the cover letter to your copy of the form.
  • Send it by a delivery system that provides delivery receipts such as certified mail, return receipt requested or, by overnight.  Note on your copy of the letter the receipt number so there is proof what was included in the particular envelope. Keep the receipt with your copy of the letter or document.
  • When you are told things must be done by a deadline, note the deadline in your diary – and finish on time.
  • After each conversation, make sure you are in sync with the other person by repeating what is to be done, by whom, and by when. 
  • Make an alert to follow up to be sure the other person does what he or she agreed to do. 
  • Follow up on the day of your alert.

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